Kingston Beach

New job and Shopping!

So after accepting the new job Kathryn and Cheryl both took it apon themselves that I need some clothes.. since the one and only trousers I had were jeans they might have been right! So went out with Kathryn and got 2 pairs of black trousers and then out with Cheryl to get some smart tops. So that was a bit of shock all round to actually achieve the task.. no crying either! (I jest but I do tend to get a tad emotional when shopping but since Cheryl is a counsellor she has been working on my trauma related response to shopping!!)
Then I went and took my theory test (got 100%) and got my learners license so now as soon as my arm gets better enough I can learn to drive! Which is exciting and a bit scary!
Its Winter here so every time I have gone into town or seen the mountain I have got excited at the sight of the snow at the top of it! So on Sunday I went up there with Kathryn, Kat and John... I was beyond excited!! probably drove them nuts!! I restrained my squeeling when John gave an expression of his ear drums exploding... but still couldnt restrain the shreik of "SNOW IN AUSTRALIA?!!" every few minutes! so by the time we got up the mountain I was ready to race through the snow but kept getting told off in case I slipped and fell on my arm..small child.. me?!
But made them build a snowman and threw a snowball or two.. quite usefull having a broken arm, everyones worried about hurting you!!
We took Kathryn's new puppy up the mountain which had a great time.. its really cute.. have been puppy sitting when Kathryn goes to work or out somewhere.. she got it when it was 6.5 weeks old so it was tiny.. still is.. its now 8 weeks.. so it just burrowed under Johns jacket hiding from the snow!!
I have stacks of photos to put on here.. just been lazy lately.. but will get round to it!!
Cheryl scared me Saturday.. she is unwell and we were sitting having a cup of tea when she went grey and went into a faint.. I got her to her bed where she had a mini stroke.. (TIA) wich happens every now and then.. I just havent witnessed it before.. so I sat by the bed for the day and chatted while she lay in bed on oxygen. But now shes up and about again. She had, had a severe attack before I arrived and is still unwell from that but days like that dont help the recovery. I am trying to help but unfortunately am not too much of one with a stupid broken arm.
I started my new job today! I was a bit nervous.. which there was no need to be. Its hard to say how it will be as I was doing training in the head office which is not where I shall be working or with the people I will be working with. It was very boring sitting reading history and policies etc.. which has to be done in the start of all jobs.. so am looking forward to actually being in the backpackers!
I have very easy hours this week anyway to start me off gently.. pretty much 10-3 for the next couple of days anyway.. and the weekend off... and cant complain at being paid to sit and read.. probably the best thing for my arm anyway!

Snow!!!! The one armed snow angel!

Have had a busy time lately.. not the reason I havent written on here though.. when I am dealing with stuff in my mind I do have a tendency to back off and go quiet!
Anyway... I went away last weekend which was exciting. Went to stay with Yvonne and family in Launceston. It was her daughter Tegan's 18th so I wanted to be there for that and help out with preparations.
So I arrived Friday night while Yvonne was at work and Van - one of her chinese students picked me up at the bus station (yes I was very boring and didnt hitchhike!) and my arm was much more mobile again so Tegan and I gave the kitchen a clean.. the maggots on the kitchen surfaces werent too appealing.. ended up staying awake till 4am helping Yvonne do picture montages of Tegan etc and happily gossiping at the same time.. was a good night anyway but was a tad tired as Ariel was happily drinking goon with his mates till 5am and then Yvonne was up full speed at 7am..and then it was party day..! Pam, Cheryls friend came over in the morning to collect some stuff so that was cool, she's a lovely lady and Yvonne loves to talk to new people!
Then it was time to set up for the party, run around madly blow up baloons and make dangerously strong cocktails - sex on the beach for the over 18's and safe sex for the under 18's (non-alcoholic!). I along with Natalie was given the job of superglueing 2 piece plastic cocktail glasses together.. about 200 of the things! However, whether we should have been let loose with superglue is debatable! I was happily gluing away when my eye was itchy and accidently superglued my bottom eyelashes to my face.. so there I was in the bathroom trying to unglue my lashes when Natalie came in with the superglue tube stuck to her fingers.. it actually bled when she ripped it off!!? I only dared recount this story aloud when Cheryl was having difficulty not supergluing her fingers while fixing something and realised it really should have a warning attached.. WARNING...DO NOT STICK BODY PARTS TOGETHER..
Anyway.. back to the party.. we went back to the house at 5pm and I had to make another photo montage and be ready and out the house by 5:30pm.. I borrowed Kathryns amazingly gorgeous dress.. I was a bit scared of being in a dress but it seemed to go down well!
So by the time the party started and we realised there were 150 on the list and it was advertised on facebook and my space.. I agreed to help Nathan on the door checking ID, getting rid of gatecrashers and handcuffing them with wristbands of whether they could drink or not.. it was quite fun actualy.. was only meant to be there for 15 mins but a few hours later Nath and I were still running around unlocking teenage girls stuck in toilets and peeling them off pavements.. when I realised that people had been refilling my glass every 10 mins and I'd drunk a fair few cocktails plus a few Jim Beams.. and I was a tad tipsy.. I dont suppose anyone will believe me when I say I wasnt THAT drunk?..so enjoyed the party for a while before falling full body weight on my broken arm on concrete. I felt it move apart. I was lucky I had the brace on from the scrapes on it. Yes I know I'm stupid, no you dont need to tell me.. I have beaten myself up enough about it.. like how hard would it have been for me to wait 12 weeks to get sloshed..Anyway after running around in a flap and trying to call Paul and then realising he probably wouldnt appreciate me slurring down the phone at him.. Nath popped me in a taxi and I went down A and E.. picture me in A&E, wearing a cocktail dress at 2am on a Saturday night.. they wouldnt look at it and they dont do xray during the night and since I wasnt crying it couldnt be that bad could it? ah the lovely kind nurse.. not. So I got in a taxi and went home and waited for xray to open at 9am..
at 9am Yvonne took me to xray and I waited 4 hours for them to tell me I had a separated fracture but since they hadnt seen previous xrays they couldnt tell whether I'd hurt it further but it looked like I'd refractured it since it was still seperate.. so went and helped clear up from the party.. and then go round Charmaines house and then a dinner party for which having had no sleep I had trouble staying awake.. and since my bed was in the dining room I couldnt sneak off to bed..
So the next morning I got a bus back to Hobart.. in a lot of pain and through a haze of morphine I got off the bus and went straight to an interview for a recetionist at the YHA.. it was hard as I couldnt concentrate on the morphine..but obviously I still did well as he offered me the job there and then. This wasnt even a job that had been advertised, they'd received the letter Friday, called me Friday, interviewed Monday.. and wanted me to start Tuesday, but I knew myself well enough to know I was in enough pain not to be able to do a good job quite yet so I offered to start the following Monday..
Cheryl then came and picked me up.. I felt terrible as they have done so much for me and I'd gone and got drunk and messed up my arm again.. they had every right to tell me where to go.. but they didnt.. once again they were great! Although Cheryl may never let me go away for another weekend.. I came back having had no sleep, one meal, having rebroken my arm and since I hadnt been able to dress my arm infection it had got disgusting again.. I can look after myself and she knows that but it was nice to be looked after again..!
So the next day we had the hospital again.. it took hours... xrays and specialists etc.. turns out the incredibly slow healing of my arm is a godsend as it meant the bones could move apart and not cause too bad damage.. I do have some fusing and stuff but its springy still which is good news for falling on it. But it has meant going back to week one progress and pain.. the bone moving everytime I move.. and cant dress or move it at all.. its all okay though really, they are not worried about it, I didnt do too much damage falling on it, and it will be okay.. since its my own fault and I cant carry on being a sook I went to the YHAs met staff and had a good look round..

anyway will carry on with my adventures another day.. enough typing for now...

Driving and Parties

Went and got The Tasmanian Road rules today.. have been saying I will learn to drive for around the last 10 years and avoiding it fater nightmare driving instructors who used to hit me with a car aerial and nearly running over an ex boyfriend after argueing during the lesson.. (his fault he did storm out and march in frnt of the car).. ! So the plan is I am going to do my theory test and get my learners licence and hopefully Paul and I wont kill each other when he tries to teach me (thats gotta be a test of friendship).
Have applied to a million jobs both around Australia and locally in Tasmania.. so just got to wait on them.. of course I'm impatient and want to know why they havent got back to me yet!!!
Went to the hospital again this week (thats a change you think.. do I live there? might as well do.. have to go every week). Arm is doing great, am getting really good movement from it.. am banned from doing any lifting yet though.. and backpacking.. and according to last appt about 7 more weeks of wearing brace and stuff.. but they really dont know..Have had a pretty bad skin infectionunder the brace as am apparently allergic to my own sweat.. so am on anitbiotics and having to have dressings changed daily.. but is so much better.. so all in all all positive news on the arm!! Thank god for that!! I am not alone, I have a friend in canada who is working on a cattle station but cant right now as she has a broken arm so is sitting around on the station bored rigid, and my mate Phill has severely buggered his back so is wondering what to do and where to go trapped in Bangkok.. medically tehy say go back to England but he doesnt have a home there.. so its not as easy decision. I am so glad I was in Australia, where there is a great medical system and I have people around to look after me.. I thank my lucky stars!!

Death - it happens to us all eventually.

I've been mentally preparing myself for my last remaining Grandparent - my Grandma, dying.
She has been sick for a long time now and been in and out of hospital, but about a month ago she had lost the ability to do anything and lay in a semi comatose state, two weeks ago she was diagnosed with lockjaw which meant she couldn't eat or drink and a few days ago she was taken off medication.
Yesterday was her 88th birthday, and as I went to bed I emailed my Dad asking him to text me and let me know if she died. In the middle of the night I woke up with a start (where does that phrase come from?) and looked at my phone to check the time.. a text had been sent a couple of hours previously.. she died on her birthday.. I accept it was her time.. it was a release and I am glad she is not in any pain anymore.
I called my parents and chatted to them, the funeral will be on Monday. I would have liked to have gone, not just to say goodbye/pay my last respects etc but because funerals bring families together. This is a new thing as I have previously avoided funerals but I'm in a different space in my head right now..But its not a matter of being able to pop over just like that.. trust me to choose a country thats as far away as I could be!
This time last year I was in hospital and I saw that look on the nurses faces when they're scared, its something I'll never ever forget.. I remember the panic of alarms going off as my heart slowed down and the blood drained out of me - like one of those scenes from Grey's Anatomy when they run you to theatre with a team of staff around you. But I also remember walking out of that hospital glad to be alive. Life is short and can be taken from us just like that..

Cosmo and sarsparilla

So the other day I felt like treating myself so bought myself Cosmopolitan Magazine (I've only been wanting it for the last 2.5 years), a bottle of sarsarilla and a bag of jelly babies.. so there I was all cosyed up content as can be when I realised Cosmo is not how I remember it.. it was a disappointment. Debatable to know whether I've changed or it has.. although John (Kathryn's husband) seemed to enjoy reading it and finding out what kind of man he is by the drink he drinks and what he wants in bed. Anyway articles such as "Repackage Yourself" parties sounded a tad scary.. apparently you invite all your friends and family round and get them to rip you apart by telling you everything your rubbish at and what they dont like about you and then they "repackage" you. ie you change yourself, stop doing/wearing and being all the things they dont like about you..
Um is it just me or could this be a tad dangerous?
From an expert in this field not being youself is not all that great actually.. and how many people are going to want to top themselves when their bitchy friends tell them how crap they are?
So for future reference if any of my friends suggested a repackaging party they can go jump.

Am such a sap!! was feeling a bit like some comfort lately and got my parents to send me My cuddly toy Megan. at first when i sent an email they said who what, where.. and I was distraught she was never to be seen again.. but as luck would have it I went back in my blog and found a photo and this blog entry:

Megan looking distraught that she's being left behind!

I am so upset that I can't fit Megan in. As Mum and Dad came in to help me make the stuff I wanted to take less and we put all the essentials in the backpack in was impossible to fit everything in that I wanted to. I've already had to cut it down to 3 pairs of trousers - one of which I'm wearing on the flight.
I was whinging away clutching her saying I needed her ears to sleep (anyone who knows me well will know what I mean!!) when mum suggested cutting her ears off (you'll have to try and picture the look of sheer horror that was on my face in reaction to this!) so to save her from mutilation and to keep her safe she's going to sit on my bed and wait for me!!!
I cant believe I'm going tomorrow - all this countdown is over, its finally here! and as you can see I've worked out how to put photos online! Goodness knows how much access to computers I will get but hopefully I will be able to put amzing pictures of scenery on it rather than of my cuddly rabbit! (who while is very special to me - may not be to anyone reading this!)
Posted by Melissa at 5:18 AM

weird reading that?!! anyway.. so here she is in Australia and am looking forward to going to bed tonight and cuddling her ears!!! yep I know I'm 28.. do I care? nope!!

Lists, lists and guess what? more lists!!

So Kathryn went out for the day yesterday leaving me to my own devices.. I happily sat down and wrote lists.. I literally sat at the table for 5 hours straight!!
I used a basic CBT method by listing all my possible current options in life, why I wanted to do each of them, what stopped me doing it/obstacles, whether I could overcome the obstacles/ were they justified?, and after analysis was it a feasible option and did I still want it?
Kathryn and John bravely read them through (they asked I didn't force it down their throats don't worry)in the advert breaks to Bones in the evening (did you know Angel is in it? my god nobody told me.. of course I do keep hoping he gets his naughty vampire face throughout but there we are.. anyway off subject again how did that happen?!) but wouldn't help me make any decisions.. how unfair..! of course I can understand.. my decisions have to be all mine..
I have been researching things and stuff as well.
For example I have always wanted to do a counselling course.. go back to uni and do masters or something. I kind of mentioned in to Kathryn and found myself at the uni discussing course options. I would love to do this course, it would do me the world of good and do no harm to my career.. I've always wanted to do it and have said I would do it when I settled down and stopped travelling.
But after nearly throwing up out of fear coming out of the uni (which shouldn't be taken into account since I always feel like that with any big decisons) and discussing fees and visas and god knows what else.. getting myself into more debt is terrifying. I am finally trying getting myself sorted in England trying to sort out debt.. (with Dads help) so to suddenly get another loan to study isn't all that appealing.
I like to be independent but I am learning to accept help. Cheryl and Kathryn want to support me to do that course now but I would prefer to be in a stable position to enable myself to do it. Yes I will need support to do it but at the moment I think the obstacles are too great to overcome.. and will re-analyse the situation at a later date.. (i.e the July intake of the course is just too scary and expensive right now).

So have gone through this process with all my random thoughts.. some have been struck off the list, others are still maybes..

Anyway one decision made is that my arm is important to me (funny that?!) I want it to be the best it can be.. so I am not going to go anywhere until it is healed and I am officially discharged from the hospital. That seems kind of sensible I think! The trouble is that thats going to take a couple of months and I am feeling more and more ready to work. I just need to find a job that I can do with 1 and a half arms. I would like to do childcare but theres a lot of lifting which I cant do yet so I guess thats not an option so I guess something reception or office based would be better. But then in a months time I might be able to use it properly again.. in hard to predict these things.. grr!!!

What do I really really want?

Dont panic I'm not about to break into a spice girls song.. just another one of my random thoughts..Last night I couldnt sleep and this was on my mind. I bought a journal recently so I'm not putting all my secrets on my blog.. I was banned from ever having a journal again a few years ago but I figured actually I'm a grown up and its up to me.. anyway off subject.. where was I? I wrote a list in my journal of what I want and what to do with my life..so I am left with decisions about what to do and where to go..
Dont tell any one cos its a secret but I'm exhausted. I am tired of constantly looking for new jobs and where to sleep each night. Dont get me wrong I'm passionate about travelling and I love both the things I just said I was tired of (contradictory.. me?!) but having somewhere to call home and people around me who I car about (and vice versa) kinda sounds appealing right now..
So while travelling I always said I would stop when I found the right place.. but I wouldnt let myself stay anywhere to find out.. even when I was somewhere I was always thinking about what was next.. like when I was in Nelson it was all about Australia.
So I have a list of jobs/study/places to live and decisions to make.
Dont get me wrong I'm still going to travel the world and see every inch of Australia.. I havent changed that much.. I just might see it differently thats all (thats how I reassure myself!) Because to stop wandering would be utterly terrifying/ makes me throw up at the thought actually.

Went to see the blowhole today.. had driven past a sign to it so many times and finally spoke up and said to Kathryn that I was desperate to see it.. was amazing and spectacular.. it amazed me that houses could be so close to something like that! Would love to go there when its wild and windy and at high tide!

had an appt at the prosetics place today (no they havent cut off my arm) cool place actually seeing all those prosetic limbs. The guy had come to see me at the hospital last week (as I'm special) but saw him at his clinic this week. He was amazed at my progress.. I told him it was a million times better but he didnt believe me till he took the armour off and it didnt flop about wildly like it has every time before.. he was very pleased.. prognosis a hell of a lot better! last week he said no backpack and armour for 9 weeks and that it would take 12 months to heal which had been scary to hear.. this week he was saying in 4 weeks I could possibly maybe get the armour off?! wow!!! I hasten to add I still have to behave.. it does go purple and swell to twice its size if I overdo it and hurts like hell saying "um Melissa I am still broken you know?" I dont have proper use of it by any means but attempting to cut my own food or balance it on the keyboard to press the occasional key is pretty exciting.. roll on mastering being able to wash my own hair. It would be okay if I was bale to get it wet but theres still no chance at the moment.. Kathryns still helping me with that and to do up my bra (I accept that since most men can undo them with 2 hands that its okay I cant do it up with one- I guess I'm not a failure) I guess I just have to accept what I can and cant do.. but keep pushing myself to exercise it.. my god I ramble.. someone shut me up?!
I'm knackered anyway.. way too much on my brain the last few days.. so night night..

Ooh PS I have an address at the moment (HINT HINT) and ooh did you know its my birthday next month?! I would put my address on here but knowing my luck I'd end up with some nutter on the doorstep so if anyone wants my address email/facebook me!

Reconnection with the world

Have been in such a good mood the last few days.. a bit scary really?!
Actually I've done a lot of thinking and stuff about what I want out of life and all that stuff.
I've also "shock horror" made some phone calls and caught up with a few people which has been great (a lot of tears involved but its all good!). So much has happened in peoples lives since I saw them last.. its been a long time.
So I found myself voicing something on the phone to my sister last night.. that I hadnt said aloud before. I plan to visit England for about 3 months sometime in the next 12 months (probably in 12 months or so time). Money is of course an issue but its something to save up/aim for. I dont miss England but I do want to see you all again (my family and friends) and spend time with you.
I've had a really good week here at Kathryn's, were being on holiday.. sleeping late, going shopping, watching DVDS and gossiping and being generally girly. We went to a Mary Kay party yesterday which was different.. its a kind of makeup party where they are trying to sell you stuff.. it was cool. am not adverse to having my feet soaked in yummy smelling stuff while sipping on my 3rd glass of champayne.. no complaints at all. I did panic a bit when it got to makeup but assured myself it wasnt like they were tattooing me.. foundation does wash off!
Watched "PS I love you" on DVD last night. I managed to cry for an hour and a half! Kathryn and John were most amused! I am such a sap!
So the other day I was wondering about helping people jobs. I was looking in the paper the other day and realising that jobs like that are just too over my head and I want to do a counselling course to equip me with the skills I need. I've said that for a very long time but it kind of feels more real. I dont want to be making the same well meaning mistakes I made when working in the refuge.. and while I do that training I want a lower stress job. Even if I dont go into that work again the skills I will have are important life skills in my opinion.
and as for travelling.. I still want to see the world.. but I cant maintain travelling constantly on a long term basis. Having roots, relationships, and somewhere to call home has suddenly appeared in my brain as important. (yeah I know what your all thinking.. "well duh?!.. I'm a bit slow what can I say?!)
I rambled on about wanting to belong in the world but unless I allow myself to connect that wasnt going to happen was it?! (well duh?!)

I am feeling a lot more like myself again today (thank god for that!)
I am actually wearing sleeves which is fab, absolutely agony getting them on but worth it! (and its pain thats good - ie I'm allowed and supposed to move my arm a bit now and start exercising it.. its quite amusing though as some of the exercises I stare at the arm and will it to move and it just flops there staring at me.. still these things take time.. and on the bright side the brace kind of looks like body armour.. wonder if they could paint it silver?! Joan of Arc here I come?! (did she wear armour - have no idea?)
Been organising myself a bit today.. insurance is amusing.. I paid $600 for travel insurance that tells me to use/claim from medicare which being English and having the recipricol agreement with oz I get for free anyway! Also amusingly after ringing the 24 hour phoneline in the UK I clearly woke the woman up so we wasnt exactly a mine of info.. and she didnt believe I was English because of my accent. I wasnt sure whether to take that as a compliment or not - nevertheless everyone here just laughed at me and said the woman clearly needs to know what an aussie really sounds like!
Am attempting to sort my NZ tax back. Should get $120 back which will be great. It would be nice if I could get the $2000 in taxes I paid back but you cant have everything!
Cheryl and Graham are off to Brisbane tomorrow for a funeral and to collect a new campervan so I am going to stay at Kathryns for a few days so not sure how much email/internet I will have as I think they are on dial up.

Kingston (where I am staying right now)

 

Kingston Beach

 

 

Sunset from the driveway (where I'm living right now)

 

 

Muppet /Brown Dog

 
(Paul's dog) who absolutely adores him!